Women Get Happy Endings

Women Get Happy Endings

There is a disturbing new trend on the horizon which has the potential to significantly impact a delicate balance which has served men and women for centuries.

A recent article published on the Times Online site reported that there is an increase in women being treated to a “happy ending” when receiving a massage. While this has been an area predominantly geared towards men, this change in the target demographic begs the question “Why has it taken so long and why haven’t women been catered to before?”

BECAUSE WOMEN DON’T HAVE TO PAY FOR SEX!

Here is what men do to get laid…It’s quite simple really. A man shows up at his local bar or nightclub, dressed to kill, hair in just the right place, smelling of the latest hip fragrances, a couple of witty lines ready to be thrown out, his well practiced dance moves fresh in his mind and if he executes all of this perfectly, then maybe, just MAYBE, he’ll find someone drunk enough to let him feel them up.

For those men who didn’t feel like subjecting themselves to this modern mating dance, there have always been those “other” alternatives. Places men could go where, for a reasonable price, their certain needs could be met and afterwards, everyone could go on their merry way. No coming up with excuses in the middle of the night as to why you are creeping away in your boxers. No shock waking up to someone who you could have sworn the night before was about 150 pounds lighter and blonde and didn’t have that mustache.

For women, the options were somewhat more limited. On the plus side, any reasonably non-unattractive woman simply had to decide who her fun for the night would be. Minimal effort was involved, although it sometimes could mean having someone that may have been just slightly below par.

So that’s how the balance has gone for centuries. Men get all dressed up, chests puffed out, waiting to be chosen. Women, like the captains of a dodgeball team in 5th grade P.E. stand before the lineup and choose the one they think has the least chance of really making a mess of things.

Now, this delicate balance stands to be ruined by this new revelation that women, like men, can now pay a reasonable fee to have their certain needs met by some young, muscular, oiled and tanned “masseuse.” While men prowl the bars and nightclubs, hoping to find that one girl just desperate enough to throw inhibitions to the wind and let him do his awkward horizontal Macarena between her thighs, now they have another option. Now they just go visit Raul, the man with the happy hands, and get their kicks.

Women…Please don’t do this! Don’t disrupt the delicate balance. Men are depending on you to get so drunk, horny and desperate that you’ll do something you’re guaranteed to regret the next day. You take the horny and desperate out of the equation and what do you leave us with…just drunk. And drunk, you’re about as entertaining as a proctologist that doesn’t lube up.

Let’s get real…sure, you could go out there and find someone who actually knows what they’re doing and can help you reach your own personal nirvana numerous times in one session by simply providing him financial compensation. But where’s the fun in that?! Leave the massage parlors and questionable strip clubs to the men that need it. You women don’t need it. There will always be a line of people at your door ready to make your night one that you will try to forget for years to come.